A Love Letter to Love
This Valentine’s Day I’m rolling single having just gone through a breakup a month ago, and readers, it was a doozy. Going through a divorce last year and then putting my heart back out there was a leap of faith, or maybe insane. It started off innocently enough- a rebound to get me through the most destabilizing time in my life- and I ended up falling in love and gaining a best friend.
Conventional wisdom tells us that we should give ourselves time after a relationship has ended to heal, re-group and process what transpired along with a healthy dose of alone time to focus on one’s own needs and desires.
Well, I flat out ignored that advice, and you know what? I am really glad I did.
Did I need to heal, re-group and process what transpired? Of course, and I was able to do that while also nurturing a new relationship. I gained a greater understanding of how foundationally important loving relationships are in my life, and there were three relationships that showed up in a big way for me this past year. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend, my relationships with friends/family and my relationship with myself.
Friends + Family
My understanding of the need for the friends and family relationship is pretty solid. I have always known how vital those connections are, and I have never questioned the importance of close friendships or felt guilty for wanting to talk to my family any chance I can get. These relationships have supported me through the most complicated year of my life to date and reminded me that I am never alone. Knowing that I have that kind of love surrounding me makes me feel invincible, and also thoroughly grounded. I am able to give and receive love freely in these relationships, and it’s such a gift.
Romantic Love
My relationship with romantic love is still a work in progress but being with a supportive loving partner this past year wrangled that understanding into focus. After years of feeling guilty for being too needy or too emotional or too…much, I can comfortably say that just as familial/friend relationships are vital, so too is a romantic relationship for me. Rather than feeling pressure to prove my independence and self-reliance by going solo, I find strength in knowing that an intimate connection fuels me and spurs growth. Despite the pain that follows a split, or during the relationship itself, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Every. Single. One.
Self Love
My relationship with myself has undergone the most dramatic overhaul this year. When I think of the worst things anyone has said about me, it has been me that’s said them. I beat myself up for years for falling short of perfect, until I reached a point last year, with the help of my therapist and life coach, where I just decided I wasn’t going to live the rest of my life like that. I was going to love myself freely, and I have. There are days where I still struggle with it, but my inner critic’s arguments are the equivalent to my four year old daughter’s knock knock jokes – tons of enthusiasm but completely nonsensical.
Reaching this place of understanding the core role that love plays in my life, has allowed me to fully and unapologetically embrace who I am. To the point where my second tattoo states ‘I love you so much’.
It’s a message to my children who from the minute they arrived on the scene locked down my love for life. To my parents whose love I never had to question and who taught me how to love in the first place. To my siblings whom I love unconditionally. Merely knowing the four of them exist fills me with joy. To my girlfriends who have been the Gatorade to this marathon. I am honored to be a part of their beautiful messy lives and to let them into mine.
To my past loves- I am so grateful for having had a front row seat to their journeys and for growing up with them. To my ex-husband who walked with me through the journey of marriage and parenthood- love isn’t a big enough word for all that he has meant and will continue to mean to me. To my ex-boyfriend whom I was smitten with from day one- I would do it all over again, knowing there would be pain, just for the opportunity to stay up all night talking to him. And to myself – I’ve got my back even if I don’t finish everything on my single-spaced pages long to do list (with notes in the margin).
So Happy Valentine’s Day readers. Thank you for reading, engaging with and inspiring this blog.
I love you so much.
Steph
