How I Quit Drinking + Became a Better Mom
I love drinking.
From the moment I had my first drink and subsequently drunk dialed my high school freshman year boyfriend (hey Jason!), I was hooked on that confident uninhibited version of me. The positive reinforcement continued throughout high school and college, with a couple of pit stops along the way to check in with myself and make sure this fun pastime wasn’t becoming an addiction. I was aware that my pattern of behavior could be categorized as binge drinking, but I figured it wasn’t a problem because I could stop when I wanted to, and hey, didn’t all college students do this?
I eventually slowed my roll heading into my late twenties/early thirties because grownup jobs and drinking don’t mix, and apparently, it’s also frowned upon to drink while pregnant. Once those babies were out and weened, alcohol made its reintroduction to my life. Girls’ nights out, pre-school board meetings and weeknight/weekend cocktails to treat myself. I mean, have you tried being a stay-at-home Mom in the modern world? I needed all the relief I could get, and wasn’t this just self-care?
It was four months post-divorce and one month into the pandemic after hitting the sauce too hard that I felt like I needed to take a week off to detox. The difference was staggering. I felt calmer, clearer, but more importantly, I was connecting with my kids better than ever. I considered myself a good Mom prior to this, but the change I felt internally (impatience and irritability banished and an abundance of empathy and joy) could not be ignored. This change would not be relegated to a week, it had to be permanent. Every time I thought about picking up a drink after that realization, I considered that I would knowingly choose to be a lesser version of the Mom I knew I could be.
I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it to my kids, and I wouldn’t do it to myself.
Armed with this new information, I struggled with a perceived loss of identity. An identity as the fun hostess always ready with a cocktail, the woman who was up to split a bottle of champagne anytime, the friend who meets up for drinks on my kid-free nights. How would I justify spastic dance moves heading into my 40s? Would I always have to explain myself when turning down a drink? Could I survive the pandemic without the gentle cerebral caress of a gin and tonic?
The thing that first drink unlocked in me, which is something I will be forever grateful for, is the confident and uninhibited part of myself. I understand now that I can tap into that part of me at any time, no alcohol required. I am confident I can tackle this pandemic without getting tipsy because the alternative is nursing a hangover while mustering the energy to rock out to “I Just Can’t Wait to be King” with my kids. I have explained my lack of drinking on multiple occasions, and you know what? No one cares and it has opened an honest dialogue on our personal struggles. As far as justifying my dance moves? I’ll go all basic bitch on you and buy one of those “Dance Like No One is Watching” signs.
The definition of an alcoholic exists, but it’s not always simple to determine where you fall on the spectrum. The label can be immensely helpful to some, and meaningless to others. I don’t personally consider myself an alcoholic (feel free to call out my denial), but I do believe that alcohol was standing in the way of me becoming the person I wanted and needed to be. I will now have a drink on average once a month, and that feels good to me. I miss the taste, and good lord I miss that warm/fuzzy/giggly feeling, but I don’t miss not showing up for myself and my kids.
I’m curious, how do you feel about your relationship with alcohol? Is it positive and fun? Medicinal but limited? Hits the spot but has you worried? I’m all about “you do you”, but if you feel like alcohol is holding you back, I encourage you to take a beat, or a week, and give yourself a break from drinking. Then ask yourself honestly, “Am I closer to being the person I want to be?”
If it makes no difference - carry on and sip away to your heart’s content! If you suspect that it’s getting in your way, know that you’re not alone. Chat with a therapist, a trusted friend or your SO and get some support. If you feel that it’s beyond your control, start by reaching out to someone you trust and then consider attending Alcoholics Anonymous or even rehab.
I want you to live your best life! I’ll be here sipping kombucha, cheering you on from the sidelines.
Love, Steph
If you need a place to start, SAMHSA offers a free 24 hour/7 days a week hotline for treatment referral SAMHSA 1-800-662-HELP
If books are more your speed, I recommend starting with Sober Curious : The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol
